It was Frustrated O’Clock, I hated my existence.

February 2009, 12th grade Board Exams.

I was 18 and a very very very very, one more time — very superstitious guy. For all my prelim exams (I gave 148 exams for 9 subjects), I fared a 95% to 98% in almost each one of them. All this had some decent hard work and preparation, but it also had major superstitious element latch to it. For every single attempt, there was a routine — Here it goes,

7 steps to align your stars — before an exam:

1. Wear the left shoe/slipper first

2. Don’t look back once you step out of home

3. Pray for 5 minutes pleasing every god on my Brahmin temple shelf

4. Recite ‘Shlok’ for 11 times from home to the railway station

5. Recite ‘a special Shlok’ which my Dad gave me exclusively for ‘108’ times in the train

6. Don’t talk to anyone in the exam hall. No matter if the folks around you die

7. Recite the special Shlok again for just 5 times slowly once the question paper is in your hands and then have a look.

Thankfully, I knew answers to almost 98% of every question. I sincerely feel it was more to do with my hard work then the above ‘7 steps spiritual technique’. With this winning formula, I appeared for my much over-hyped board exams.

Imagine you’ve mugged up the entire 9 subjects for over 6 months, so hard and so good that you know more than your professors at a particular time. Don’t believe me? I had actually tested this. I asked doubts to my profs during lectures who taught me their respective subjects since the beginning of the year. These were questions beyond what the alleged text-books offered. They had no answers to it. Not once, twice, but I actually lost the count of how many times this has happened (I knew all the answers, but just… :p), the better part — I know I should tattoo ‘NERD’ on my forehead.

Now, you’ve learnt the entire thing, you’ve given a 148 test series, you’ve literally printed the entire thing in your mind. I could actually revise an entire book in 20 mins, an entire 200-page book. For Biology, I knew what was written on every page, the diagram, the quotes, I could sense the book in my mind. After you’ve been tagged as an expert, you’ve still got — your parents who are over-worried, a brother to chill you down, a sister to remind you of revision, a teacher alerting you with deadlines, and friends who’ve been an ass for the entire year & now suddenly too kicked in life to mug it up all quickly (I felt conquered, because I did it way before them). They’d ask for needless doubts & do the most unimportant ridiculous piece of shit in a social forum. Just to catch attention, they’ll showcase certain myths –

‘I know this is important, it will surely come in the exam’,

‘I have done 5 question papers of last 5 years, I will pass’,

‘I skipped it because it wasn’t asked in the last 10 years’ etc etc.

Dude — I have a serious and honest middle finger to be shown to these breed in specific. Losers, how can you predict & distract people. You are not Brahma (a deity in Hinduism who knows it all) to know everything. Just because you’ve been a retard to not do things before, that doesn’t mean it is not important. The only and only reason I am so vocal about it is that I had tons & tons of them around me. Everyone, a ‘Karma’ Guru on their own.

In these 3 months, I became imperative with my studies. Doing one thing so many times, testing yourself to the limit, till that moment when you’re not just good but actually an expert. I knew I had cracked a way for it. Pour yourself in, read it 100000000000 times, till it’s perfect, isolate yourself, burn yourself to be that expert. It is so much fun when people around you call it tough, make a hype of it and YOU do it so many times, that you crack it and claim in that same forum, ‘Naah, it’s so easy!!’

Sounds nerdy? Think about it, try it once, you’ll feel accomplished, not kidding! You actually walk out like a Supremo. It feels pampered and hence I totally tattooed myself with the ‘Imperative’ tag. No matter what in the world happens or comes to you, don’t just do it, but create a benchmark that becomes an aim & inspiration for others.

Looking forward to being admitted to a grad school for medicine. I googled all medical colleges in Mumbai and Maharashtra, in fact, I even started pre-prep on first-year medicine subjects, taking a dope of what would be taught to me. How things would shape up, what all should be done to be that great Doctor. It was all going well till the day that changed my life arrived — results.

It all happened this day. If it all this paperback/e-book in your hand/device exist, it’s because of this day. It changed me forever, be it good or bad, but if I own a character today, my personality, my nature — it was & always will be for this one day.

9.00am, 4th July, 2009.

www.******.nic.in. I logged in. Bhaiya, mom & dad right next to me. It asked my seat number. It showed ‘Server Busy’. I retried, almost 100 times banging my keyboard.

‘You can’t be busy now, clear and show it to me, C’mon’, I shouted.

‘Wait, the page must be loading’, Bhaiya said.

I was really anxious and excited to know what will happen today. In the 200th attempt, it didn’t show server busy and was buffering.

My heart in mouth. 10 secs… 20 secs… It was out. Shit!

Attire: Nike t-shirt (with that tag — I am what I am) and locally procured shorts | Phone: Brand New LG touch screen + side slider Qwerty keypad phone (the reason I bought) — in White & fluorescent green colour (Screw you! Santosh Electronics on the colour availability) — fortunate enough to buy before results were out, else would’ve never moved on from my Samsung Guru 100 | Song on Playlist: Thanks to Bluetooth — Maula mere — Chak De India. | Mindset: Mindfaaaacked | Time: Frustated’O’Clock

America got independence on this day, but I believe I was re-incarnated. I had fared an 87% but it was still far off from getting me an admission. I did not sleep the entire night. I was sitting on the bed in different angles, just watching that dim straight moon-light inside, thinking about my ambiguous future. 100’s of thoughts brushing up...

I am sure even you had this one moment? Don’t you?

“I wanted to be a Doctor, I knew my love for this subject, I know I am kickass at this. I could technically train people in Biology. But wait! there is a system, a social system around you, which does not acknowledge it, even if you’re an expert. I actually missed it in this social process, a chance, those 4 hours, you used your pen to darken the wrong choices that eventually has made your life go wrong now. Who cares? I still love biology when my marks are not even close to getting me an admission. Strange this is, a 4-hour test decides your life. I think I failed at it, because there’s no grey area, remember? It’s only black or white.

But what would I now do in life? What now? Should I take a seat outside Maharashtra for any medical course I get? I still have a slight chance. How about Engineering? NEVER.

I love hosting, a fan of being a VJ — Negative, how do you get in? B.com, B.Sc? — Nope. Start from Diploma? It still lands me to engineering — Nope. Or let’s stop studying and start a business? Shit, 4 hours, those 4 idiotic hours.

But haven’t I transformed myself into a hardworking asshole? So what that you circled the wrong dots in those 4 hours, it doesn’t change your life. I know I had dealt with extreme. This is extreme? Yes, it is. Can I deal with anything more of these sorts, a similar situation? Yes, I can.

I am still alive? Yes! I am. My parents are disappointed? Yes they are, why shouldn’t they be, I‘ve let them down. But guess what, I will show them what their son is capable of. Yes, I am in a fix, but things get better as time passes by. I will try my luck for medicine out of Mumbai, If I get it, I am lucky — IN. If not, I am trying for every single alternative course in Mumbai. Can Dad pay donation (additional money)? No. and even if he is willing to? Why should he? He has motivated me enough in life. I had those unlucky 4 hours and I’ll pay for it. Not just suffer but conquer. I am going to get over this. Yes, this looks bad but there’s no looking back, it’s over, even this will go-off soon. I will take this as the most positive day of my life. Every time I achieve something, I’ll remember how I felt today, how shit down I was. I will come out of this, cheers to everything that will only and only happen good to me now. I don’t know what that good is, but It would all be because I saw this one day.”

I was never ever so positive on the biggest failure of my life.

What happened next? Click here.