You missed the school homework; you promise yourself with a scarred-palm of this sincerity you would promise time and again. You got admitted to learning with passion; you think if it had some compassion. You traveled ticketless in the train; you use all your pseudo ‘Hence, always…’ to negotiate freedom. You embraced ice’d X down your throat; you channelize everything hot & healing down the esophagus. You fell in love with the right one; you scroll through that profile now thinking if you’re the right one. You found an assigned seat in a hi-rise; you dream if it was perfect by that cafe. You invested in acknowledging the world would invest; you now invest in the belief that an investment shouldn’t just be a belief. You ensured your kid had the correct upbringing; you wonder if the world was also correct in your kid’s upbringing.
I am like a scooter in your garage which never learned how it feels to kickstart without that mandatory heavier contemplating kick. That second heavy kick, the one that re-incarnates your carburetor, the one that gets your knee feel offended for an abuse. Sir/Madame, this scooter ain’t an exaggeration but your life and the kick — a conscious effort to sabotage your regretful act, the one you always adhere to!
I am that second kick scooter, I love my existence…
You know, the core here’s not to identify why you failed to fire up in the first attempt but to address your comfort in getting it right with desperation in the second attempt. And I guess your cranium’s sensitive enough to acknowledge two extremely different situations you get yourself into!
Let’s shed some light on the first attempt. It might be an ambiguous situation to pursue/initiate this task/situation. You kinda know what is right, wrong, correct or the perfect. But still, you’d want to give it an attempt basis your brain stem’s instigations. You’d either believe in your ‘conviction’ to work it out for you or re-instate the word ‘risk’ and all the fancy quotes within your world that’s meant to pump you up. And if I am quoting you just too high then you’d be settled with those fancy lines on ‘Go with the flow, bro!…’
Ok! let’s define a psychological and practical example for you:
- The psychological: You found an assigned seat in a hi-rise, your so-called #Dreamjob. You did everything beyond the right to land up where you are. You ensured your soul perceived the right sell in the soul of this entity that sells perceptions (most of them do!). But with time comes an aura — “If I was right in doing this…!” — self-doubt, you define it in your world. And this ain’t wrong unless you again go back to the drawing board reiterating yourself in a parallel universe that defines a new right for you. It totally depends on how strong your ‘conviction’ is or if you’re ready to ‘risk’ it again. But what you forget is you’re screwing it up right #NOW drinking excess caffeine/C2H5OH or arguing with your superiors with dark circles.
- The Practical one: You traveled ticketless on a train. You know it’s wrong to do so. You know the legitimacy of the consequences for doing so. You’ll be derailed for some time depending upon your ‘I’d never do it again…’ based convincing skills or the currency dominations you’re carrying. You’d have a reason for doing so — a case of an emergency, lethargy, chul or even test ‘how lucky you’d get?’ with any situation. Whatever be the reason, you’d still proceed once you have the ‘conviction’ or you’re ready to ‘risk’ it again. But what you totally forget is the sort of public embarrassment that awaits or how late you’d be for your designated deed!
Two words that introduced me (the second attempt) in your life — Conviction and Risk. And trust me this ain’t bad traits to own. Just that a ‘conviction’ with imbibes ‘logic’ and a ‘risk’ that harnesses ‘certainty’ would totally keep you virgin to me. But why would you? You live in the world of ‘Darr ke aage Jeet hai’, don’t you?
What you really miss on are the basics — the why? the what? and the how?
Consider the why in the #Dreamjob example — I know for sure I can pursue my dream job because it utilizes my skills to the fullest and not because it’s a benchmark to the world. The How? — When my skill set matches with an encouraging environment, eventually I would grow up to be an encouragement. The What? — I can drink caffeine/C2H5OH to charge/ease myself and argue with my bosses with fresh eyes.
In the ideal world, when you answer these three questions, I don’t believe you’d ever need me — the second kick. You’d always be stable with your approach and wouldn’t want to even think about what does it feel like to regret or how do you sabotage a deed that falls in the ‘not so right’ zone.
This bugger Krishnakant just serviced his bike and his life. He knew there wasn’t sufficient fuel reaching the engine (the why?). He’s got the carburetor cleaned up (the how?). He also ensures timely check-ups on greasing and engine oil (the what?). To sum it up, the bike may lack the conviction of consistent performance or the risk of shutdowns but definitely rages up with the first kick. When are you servicing yours? the bike and your life…
After all, I am second kick scooter and I do not wish to love my existence.