I am procrastination, I love my existence.

Loosely tied shoe-lace or unpolished/unwashed ones. Prepping up for exams with only those chapters that are tagged important by the mob or brainstorming on the conviction bit to be showcased to your folks when you fail. Your back body which is denied a soap scrub since ages or bathing as a routine avoided. A scratch on your cell phone’s screen guard or a broken phone screen. Thrice a week gym or unused - still smells new gym shoes. Enabling cockroaches, chameleons to find their new bed or a benchmark bedroom for moral science students to understand the word ‘Unorganised’. The missing handle of a drawer or that flush which flushes for more than 25 minutes. That dried spilled coffee on your desk or your work bag’s fragrance of the lunch box. Postponing your work for Monday on a Friday or equipped with the strategy to pacify your flawless boss’s rant.

I’d be offended if you call me a disorder or a negative attribute. Let’s say I am a skill. Something which every single human on your planet pursues, irrespective of his/her wish. Some aware of the fact that I am ruining it for them, step by step, one at a time. Some use me in their banter as a pre-owned skilled, ‘Yaar! I procrastinate a lot!’. Some promising themselves every day that I’ll make it right, yet never go beyond acknowledging this promise. I am procrastination, I love my existence.

And why would you disown me? I ain’t affecting your life with the magnanimity of what ‘effect’ actually means to you. I am just a bad habit. And one should have at least some bad habit to sustain no? That’s what I lately hear from an old man who spent working 12 hours a day for 35 years and now walks for 3 km a day checking his blood sugar twice — daily. Now, you’d say, “We live once, we die once, we should just go by the flow blah blah.”

You know, I love that dialogue as a screenplay of a rom-com, but in real life, just imagine how meticulous your life would be if you just skipped this lag. But you won’t. Why? Because again, a quote, “Nobody’s perfect blah blah…”. I absolutely live with you because people on your planet wrote such beliefs and ideologies centuries ago which you guys strictly back it up as a reason to cover up your mess.

Just focus on the word above — lag. The physics definition says, “Lag is retardation in an electric current or movement.” Beyond just calculating lag in your 8th-grade maths exam, take a moment and analyze everything — from a larger deed to any small action you’re currently lagging with. I am sure there’d be at least 5 things on the list. And this just didn’t appear because you were lethargic or used me! This exists because your previous 5 things affected the new incoming ones. And the chain reaction continues right from your childhood when you started reacting and analyzing the world around you. Well, the physics definition of lag and procrastination are hence exact antonyms. Try and just replace the following words in the definition above — ‘retardation’ with ‘purposeful influenced denial’ and ‘electric current’ with ‘assigned deed’.

Also, would you remember the first time you ever procrastinated? Difficult right? I know so many references to choose from. Point being, how and why did you even think about your first act of me. It’s either because you saw your peer group doing it? Or maybe you’re internal divine energy forced you to do so? The first reason is why 99% of you perceive me and the second reason are my flag bearers in your world. The second breed is absolutely flawless in practicing me. Their brain stems are curated in a way that they’d know What to procrastinate with? How deliver to me? And of course Why one did so? The most important of them. Does it mean that they’d fall flat in being successful or achieving anything? Absolutely not sir/madame. I come naturally to them and they function perfectly with this lag. The problem arises when the other 99% are influenced by these experts, exactly when things go south. You’d practice me and yet fail to manage yourself better.

Think for a moment if the following people procrastinated — a pilot, a politician, a driver, an actor, a newsreader, a brewmaster et cetera. Mind you, these are the most important set of people in your lives. They directly, indirectly have a major influence on everything you do. Does that mean they don’t practice me? No. Does that mean they are sharp enough to be with me yet dodge me out? Yes.

Managing one’s brain function, every single moment is what is so different amongst the so-called successful people on your planet. They live every moment belligerently. And all that is required to shun me off is ‘living in the moment’. And trust me this phrase does not qualify your stints when you’re drunk or performing an adventure sport or doing the impossible. It’s the most basic thing I’d want you to practice if you ever wish to avoid me. Sensing the good, the bad, the right, the wrong is different but actioning on what’s in front of you will always keep me at a distance.

You’d live for about 65 years (average human life expectancy) and just imagine if you LIVED every moment, thinking and DOING things. This bugger KK, an ardent procrastinator has skipped living with me for the longest now. I miss him but I am also happy for he’s upgraded himself with anticipation — my enemy. Even you should, I guess!

After all, I am procrastination and I do not wish to love my existence.

Content Curator. Farmland Nomad. Pub Quiz Master. Colloquial Author.