I am ego, I love my existence.
They never heard your piece. They heard you but they were cold. They never allowed you to do it. They loved it yet never imbibed it. They refrain from your existence. They know you’d do it the best but yet won’t let you do it. They’ll piss you off yet keep you far off from showcasing your emotion. They are around you, they like you, they hate you, they preach you, they bitch about you… but but but — they leave you restless, they leave you anxious, they make you think high about yourself, they judge you and then they make you judge yourself.
Collectively, both on the receiver's end and on the donor’s end of these thoughts, I am a mandatory feel. To begin with, I am a strong feeling which nobody demands subconsciously. We all call out, “He/She has so much ego”, But, we’d never say it aloud, “I have so much ego.”
And why would you? You’d add this in your resume — “I own Ego”, Will you? These are subtle emotions that you wouldn’t want to be vocal about. And it hardly matters to me because I am omnipresent! None of you can survive without me. I get you to think high about yourself, I get you to think all full of yourself. I am ego, I love my existence.
To analyze my journey within you, the only time you’re deprived of me is when you were born. You never had a problem with the medic team that introduced you to the world, in fact, you were grateful to them. Henceforth, if you weren’t fed on time, you’d start crying which in the subconscious sense means you ain’t happy with the situation. And with other friends of mine called ‘ignorance’, ‘jealousy’ you’d subtly imbibe my existence.
As you grow up and as you’re introduced to the rules of your world, the ‘me’ within you gains a momentary spike. When you start analyzing the world around you, seek what’s around you, it is so natural that you’re influenced by my closest friend ‘desire’. The more you pursue it, the more I flourish within you and by the time you’re a complete grown-up, I have established myself on multiple fronts, just choosing situations to bug you, leaving you stressed, anxious blah blah.
Just think for a minute if I weren’t a part of your life. In this case, on the merrier side, you’d always have a beginner’s mindset, you’d be virgin to the word ‘offense’, you’d always be a student, you’d leave entitlement on the door, you’d be in your cocoon satisfied with your world — always. On the contrary, on the darker side, you’d be deceived of competition, the idea of challenging your self unless offended, you’d never fight for yourself, you’d never go that extra mile to prove it to somebody, you’d never realize what recognition (and allied feelings) would mean. Either way, I am like a piece of sugar you can’t ignore. You’d curb it to lose weight or feel less diabetic but you’d equally crave it. You’d find alternatives and consume it yet you’d know the original feel of consumption can never be replaced.
But one should remember that the ones who ignore it to the fullest are the fittest, both physically and mentally. What matters the most here is the ‘control on your craving’. Knowing when to ignore, how to ignore — persistently and dedicatedly is what stands super-duper important.
This is exactly how I exist. One can claim it in whisker — ‘I got no Ego’. But to maintain this line of thought is what matters the most. The way you shun me off in every such situation where you crave my existence. And the only way you could do this is when you place your motive, your ambition, your purpose, your passion… all of this — above you. It seems ‘an easy to deliver’ sort of a statement but trust me it takes so much to get this adhered to within your lives.
If you’d focus on this line above, ‘Always have a beginner’s mindset’. Think about it, if you never knew more than others or at least behave so, even if you did, I’d be deprived on both ends. And trust me I am such a vicious feeling that you can’t deny me unless you start denying it within yourself. If you think that you’d give up your ego only when the world is free of it then I am immortal within you and the world.
Having an ego can deliberately mean self-respect which ain’t bad Sir/Madame. The problem is when you add the word ‘hurt’ to it. That’s when we could stop playing the image game and focus on a higher purpose. That’s how you’d win over me. Krishna’s learning it day by day. I’ve punished him so badly in the past that he’s kept me far from even living by his side. Today, I see him so content and happy. I wish you’d have this similar stint soon.
After all, I am ego and I do not wish to love my existence.