I am an expectation, I hate my existence.
I hope Dad/Mom will get that big toy on my birthday. I hope I pass the exam. I hope they won’t scream at me for bunking school. I hope she finds me cute (as well). I hope I get a good college. I hope smoking and alcohol won’t kill me. I hope I get a good job. I hope my boss is happy with me. I hope I get an intelligent wife. I hope she’s understanding too. I hope I get a promotion. I hope I have a kid. I hope s/he starts walking soon. I hope I can buy that house. I hope s/he gets admitted to a good school. I hope my wife/husband will ever understand me. I hope Dad/Mom will get better soon. I hope my client would like me more than him/her. I hope my son/daughter doesn’t fall into bad company. I hope /her/his GPAs are the best. I hope I could buy that diamond for her. I hope my daughter/son finds a good college. I hope I can fund her/his education. I hope I’d retire soon. I hope s/he finds a good husband/wife. I hope Mom/Dad rest in peace. I hope I won’t be sent to an old age home. I hope they’d take good care of me. I wish to meet them once before I leave forever. I hope… I hope life was more exciting.
The above statements compiled together are an ideal version of me. Like the filmy or bookish or TV commercial version of what I might look like. But you know what — you breathe me, you imbibe me even when you’re far asleep. You’d always look at the world through my eyes, always. Even if you don’t want to. I am an expectation, I hate my existence.
Just focus on that word up there — ‘want’ — the root cause to why I exist. You literally want the world when you start building an expectation. You’d be lying to yourself if you say you don’t want anything. It’s absolutely natural for any human to be wanting their desires but things go south when these desires might or might not fall into one’s personal capacity or intent. It’s a different process altogether if that same human needs to pursue those desires are strong enough.
Focus on the other word now — ‘need’ — the root cause of why I should exist. You work more ardently towards a goal when you need to fulfill your own/someone’s expectations. You would be more holistic in building your expectations because you precisely know your ‘need’. Immaterial to whether it happens or falls flat, the way your build an expectation would keep you smelling the soil. Honestly, I really like me when I am need-based than want-based. Let me explain this to you better -
I want to wake up early. I need to wake up early because I need to work out.
I want to start a business. I need to start a business because I know this bloody well.
I want to plan a date. I need to because even she’d love to (:p)
I want to stop drinking. I need to stop drinking because I feel weak and dizzy
I want to buy that car. I need to buy that car because I can afford it
See the difference? The want-based expectations are so much just in the air without any landing plan but the need-based ones have perfectly dwelled in your zone. Like something that has a defined reason, the ‘because’, that aligns you for an action you can completely manage and you are totally assured that it would see the finish line.
Now, take a moment of silence for this planet where 99% of you function with ‘want’ based expectations. And this exactly is the root cause of even the slightest ‘low’ that you feel in your day/life. I shouldn’t blame you. Why? Because you’re programmed to be this way. Why? Because that’s how you’re ancestors were poised. Why? Because even the first humans wanted to explore the world without a well-defined need :p
Now for a civilization that was based on the want perspective, the use of the word ‘need’, just a couple of times up there, won’t change your life overnight. But if you’re sane enough, you’d totally get what I mean. To sum it all, I can either motivate you or get you from being low to depressed.
Choose me wisely. Build me after you think. Krishna has had many nightmares :p This bugger’s now completely aware of what I mean and how I can screw someone so bad!
The point being, If you want me then you may talk to your hand! But if you need me, I am here to be fulfilled!
After all, I am an expectation and I do not wish to hate my existence.